Nudge Ends the World!
by multishippingexpert
Summary: Max gets into a rant about how Nudge is going to bring about the end of the world. Oneshot. Hilarious. Read on.
1. Chapter 1

Oneshot in Max's POV. I had this rant once with my friend and she got mad at me, but it's cool because I got the idea for this! Hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Maximum Ride. I never will own Maximum Ride. I never have owned Maximum Ride. I might own Maximum Ride in some parallel universe, but there is no way to scientifically prove that, so for now we'll just assume that I don't own Maximum Ride in a parallel universe either. But just you wait, my friends. As soon as a parallel universe machine is invented, I shall send my evil army of ninja penguins out on a special mission to prove that this disclaimer is indeed false in some parallel universe currently unknown to mankind. Just...you...wait...**

Anyway, on with the story!

* * *

I sighed with happiness as I inhaled the rich aroma of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies.

Yes.

We were once again at my mom's house.

We can't help it. With all the food, attention, and down time we get, we love visiting my mom.

I, Maximum Ride, was sitting on my mom's couch watching T.V. with Mr. Rock. He had his arm around my shoulder, and Angel was laying with her head in my lap. We were all scarfing down hot, gooey cookies.

Yup, it almost sounds normal, doesn't it?

Well, except for the flying, talking dog singing along with Phantom of the Opera, the fact that Angel currently looked like a giant blue bird of paradise, and Iggy and Gazzy sitting in the corner fiddling with one of their bombs.

So yeah, we really haven't changed much since the last time you saw us.

I sighed again.

This time because Nudge and Ella walked into the room still in the middle of their heated argument. They'd been at it about something since the morning, and I figured this would be a good time to step in.

"What's up, guys?" Just play it cool, Max.

Both Nudge and Ella started shouting about fashion ending the world or something.

"Whoah, whoah. One at a time, guys."

"Nudge said that I have no sense of fashion!"

"And Ella said that I'll end the world someday!"

...

"Okay..."

"Tell her she's wrong," they both said together.

"Well, I'm sure neither of you were were serious."

"Yes I was!" This was also together.

"Did you rehearse this or what?" Angel asked, leaning up on her elbows.

"No!" they shouted simultaneously.

"Uh!" This was just Ella.

"Max! Say something!" Nudge yelled.

"Jeez! Okay, you wanna explain what you're arguing about?"

Both of them started arguing at the same time again.

"Whoah! _One _at a _time_."

"Fine. Okay, so Nudge and I were in my room looking through my closet, and Nudge said that I had no taste in clothes!"

"...Okay, and this bothers you why?"

"Uh, you don't get it! She insulted my womanly instincts!"

"...Right."

"And then I told Nudge that it didn't matter that I had bad taste if she blew the world up someday because of doing something utterly and completely stupid."

"Ella, that was rude."

"Hah! See? She's on _my _side!"

"I'm not on anyone's side. Although..." I drifted off in thought.

Nudge and Ella looked back at me.

"I _could _see Nudge doing something like that..."

Nudge's expression darkened. Really, that should've told me to stop, but I must've missed it becuase I continued.

"Not utterly, completely stupid, mind you, but something stupid enough. Like, walking down the street, and crossing the road without looking both ways. I always have to remind her to do that."

Angel turned around to look at me.

"I can see her getting hit by a pickup truck, and then me running out into the middle of the road toward her body screaming! And Fang running to stop me and both of us getting hit by cars! And then Gazzy would be walking by and see all of us on the road and start crying, and he'd run out in the middle of the road too, and he'd get hit by the amulance coming for the three of us!"

Nudge and Ella were just staring at me. Angel turned back into a human as she sat up.

"And Iggy would've heard him crying, so he would've run out too, and he could get hit by the police car! And he'd probably have, like, 10 bombs in his pocket and they'd simultaneously blow up and probably set the ambulance on fire! Ha! And when it blows up, all the cars around it would catch on fire, including the fire truck which would've come too!"

By this point, I was cracking up. Nudge was shooting daggers at me.

"And the whole thing would cause the biggest traffic jam ever, and first thing anyone knew, there'd be too many cars piled up on bridges and ramps and they'd break, and millions of people would, like, drown in rivers or fall into ravines. Everything would be so chaotic! Especially when the Golden Gate Bridge falls into the river from the weight, and the waves and flooding would bring down hundreds of skyscrapers in the city, and when they fell, they'd cause the San Andreas Fault to start an earthquake and the whole western coast would collapse into the ocean, and there'd be this enormous tsunami that would totally wipe out Japan, and China, and all of Asia for that matter! It'd cause planetwide panic! Anyone left alive would starve from food shortages because there wouldn't be any imports, and the economy would crash, and money would lose its value, and humans would go mad and kill themselves and animals would rule the world once again!!! And all because Nudge got run over!"

Wow! I was on a role here!

Just as I was thinking this, I realized that Fang, Angel, Total, Ella, and especially Nudge, were giving me looks that screamed 'crazy.'

"...what?"

Ella just shook her head and walked out of the room.

Angel laid back down in my lap.

Nudge gave me one of her worst death glares and stomped out of the living room.

I turned toward Fang.

"What'd I say?"

"It's okay, Max. It's all okay." He turned back to the T.V., patting my shoulder.

What's the moral of this story?

I really should shut up sometimes.

* * *

Whee! Hoped you liked it! Review if you want, yada yada, critique if you want, yada yada. But I have one important question for you, my readers: What idiot put the 's' in the word lisp? Are we, as normally speaking human beings, mocking those who have lisps? Should we just call it 'lip?' I think that's stupid. How about we just find something else to call it? Why don't you drop by and answer my dire question? Why am I sitting here talking to you about lisps and their 's''s? Anyway, bye. :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Been a while, no? I haven't been doing a lot of writing lately, mostly because of college/scholarship/senior stuff that I have going on. I know, I should be hanging my head in shame. But the only writing that's been going on for the last few months is essay writing. Blegh. However, a couple days ago, I had an epiphany and decided to write this and post it up here, just to dust off my account. Contrary to what many of you may think, I get on here at least once every couple of days, usually reading stuff all over fanfiction and reviewing. Which brings me to... I've been looking for someone to beta for. I haven't beta'd anyone before, so I guess you could call me a newbie at that, but I'd love to. So if you or someone you know needs a beta reader, I'm the gal to look for. ;)**

**Alright, now onto the next order of business: A friend of mine (dandy wonderous) and I decided to do a fic challenge thingy. Basically, we choose a category (Maximum Ride), and then pick a bunch of random words (25 in this case) and then write a chapter for each word that has to have that word in it. With the words that we chose, it's bound to get pretty ****crazy. So in the course of a few months, I'll be posting the finished chapters up here for you guys to read, and I think she may too. So be on the lookout for those.**

**A shout out to everyone that's favorited me, or this story, or my other one. :) LUV U!!! And if I didn't get a chance to reply to your review, I'm sorry!!! So a universal Thanks! to all of you! Now on with the reading!!! **

**Disclaimer: This story was written for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. It may be too intense for some viewers. It is for recreational use only, and subject to change without notice. Penalty for private use. Avoid contact with the skin. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. No purchase necessary. Times approximate. Prerecorded for your time-zone. Contents may settle during shipment. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Keep cool; process promptly. Colors may, in time, fade. For office use only. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error, or failure to perform. Not the Beatles. Slippery when wet. Sanitized for your protection.**

**This supercedes all previous notices.**

**(Okay, but really, I don't own.)**

* * *

"Max!"

I sighed.

"MAX! Come here!"

Rolling my eyes, I flopped over onto my stomach and unsuccessfully tried to block out the sounds of Nudge and Ella's shouting with my pillow.

"Max! Don't make me come up there and get you!"

Grumbling, I shoved the pillow away and stumbled out of my bed (it still felt good to say that), pulling my headphones out of my ears.

In case you're wondering, we've been at my mom's house for about a week now, and lemme tell you, a girl could get used to this - a bed, hot showers, and 3 square meals a day, not to mention spending time with my mom and Ella.

The only fly in the ointment? Mom decided to invite the crew from the Wendy K. to join us for a couple weeks. So now, not only was I tired of seeing so many people, I also had to live _with_ said people. And mom's house wasn't built for more than four.

Can Max say claustrophobia?

Normally Fang would have been there to keep me off the wall, but Dr. Amazing had gotten his attention from the moment she'd walked in the front door and said, "I have topographical maps of California!"

Geek.

So now I was, angry, jealous and forced to leave the safe haven I called my bedroom. (Okay, so mine and Ella's and Nudge's and Angel's bedroom. But you get the point.)

Stomping down the stairs, I walked into the kitchen where I was immediately attacked by Nudge and Ella.

Any guesses as to what they were doing? No? Arguing. Again. This seemed to be a recurring problem with them lately.

So there I was, standing in my mom's kitchen where everyone else in the house was currently located, with two kids in my bubble yelling at each other, and blocking the only way toward the humongo platter of tacos that everyone else was already eating from. I could see Fang and Brigid bent over some maps on the other side of the dining table, both drinking sodas. My mom, Jeb, John, and Dr. Akana were eating off the counter behind them. Emily, Paul, and Melanie had pulled chairs in from the back porch and living room. Total and Akila had managed to grab some table space next to Iggy and Gazzy, who I noticed were giving me their innocent faces. I frowned at them, and saw Gazzy kick a screwdriver farther under the table. Angel, sitting by Total, looked up from her taco to smile sweetly at me. Magnolia, my mom's dog, was sleeping in a corner. I focused back on Nudge and Ella.

"Guys! What's up?" I asked, using my no-nonsense tone.

They whirled on me.

"We need to ask you something, Max." Nudge looked serious.

Ella nodded. "It's really important."

Uh-huh.

"Okay, shoot."

Nudge and Ella looked back at each other, and then back at me.

"Well," Nudge began. Ella shuffled her feet.

"Nudge and I were just wondering..." Ella continued.

"Which one of us you..." Nudge bit her lip.

"...Liked more?" Ella finished.

...

"Umm...huh?" Okay, I was so not expecting that.

"You know, which one of us is your...favorite?" Ella prompted.

"What do you mean?" I asked. I couldn't believe they were asking me this. How was I supposed to answer that?

They both frowned as they tried to make their point clear.

Nudge stepped forward. "What we mean is, we want to know which one of us you...love more."

Alright.

Hold on.

Let's conduct a little survey, shall we?

How many of you out there have been asked that same question? Ever? That is _not _a pretty question. You can't answer that question and make everyone happy. I mean, of course I loved both of them equally, but they wouldn't accept that answer.

I ignored the question for a moment. "Why do you want to know?"

"Well, I was thinking that you would love Ella more because she's your actual sister."

"And I thought you would love Nudge more because you've known her for your whole life."

"So, we started wondering, which one of us do you love _more_?"

I tried to take the easy way out.

"Guys, I love both of you the same. It doesn't matter if you're my sister, or if I've known you for longer. I care for both of you equally." I smiled, and mentally patted myself on the back.

Well handled, Max.

Nudge crossed her arms, and Ella's gaze turned cold. Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see everyone slowly stop what they were doing to see what was happening over with us.

"No, Max. You can't love us both _equally_."

"Yeah," Ella said. "You have to care about one of us more."

I was stumped. What did they want me to do, pick?

"So pick, Max."

Sigh.

"Guys," I tried to set things straight. "I can't just pick. I love you both the same."

"Yes you can." Nudge retorted.

"Just think of it this way. If Nudge and I were both hanging off the side of a cliff, who would you save first?" Ella gave me a challenging look.

"Uh, couldn't Nudge just fly away?" I pointed out. This threw Ella for a loop.

"Uh, um yeah, but..."

"What she means," Nudge cut in, "is what if the two of us were drowning in the ocean. Who would you save?"

"But you can both swim." I argued.

They floundered for a moment. **((Haha, get it, floundered? And they're drowning? I made a punny...alright, alright, I'll shut up.))**

"Well, pretend we can't. Nudge and I are drowning because we can't swim." Ella came back.

I rolled my eyes. "Okay. Fine."

"So who would you save first?" Nudge asked again. I looked around again. Now everyone was waiting for my answer.

I thought about it.

"I'd save both of you." I stated.

Nudge and Ella started to get frustrated.

"No! You can't save both of us Max! You have to pick." Nudge shot back.

"But why?" I asked. "I have two arms don't I?"

"No." Ella said.

I cocked an eyebrow. "I don't have two arms?"

"No," Ella said, sounding determined.

"Why don't I have two arms?"

Ella stumbled on this. "Uh... because one of 'em got eaten."

I was confused.

"Eaten? My arm got eaten!? By what?"

"Uh...a bear?" Nudge guessed.

"A bear?"

"A bear."

"A bear ate my arm?" I asked, trying to understand.

"Yes."

This was getting stupid.

All of a sudden, I realized how I could get away without answering their question.

"What kind of bear?" I ventured.

Nudge looked up at me. "What? It doesn't matter."

I shook my head. "Of course it does! I deserve to know what my arm got eaten by."

Nudge wrinkled her brow. "Fine, umm, a black bear."

I thought about this for a second. "Well, I don't really like black bears."

"Brown." Nudge shot back.

"Nnnhh, not really partial to thos-"

"Polar!" Ella practically shouted.

I pondered for a moment.

"Mmkay, yeah." I nodded in approval.

Nudge gave a loud huff. "Alright then. Now that we've figured out what you arm got eaten _by_, why don't you tell-"

"Wait, I have another question." I interrupted.

Ella glowered at me. "What?"

"Which arm?"

"Huh?" Ella asked, confused.

"Which arm got eaten? By the polar bear?"

Ella just looked at me. "What? Why does it matter?!"

I opened my mouth to reply, but Nudge beat me to it. "Your left arm! Okay? Happy?"

I frowned. "But I'm left handed."

"Uhhh, fine! Your right arm!"

I smiled. "Okay."

Nudge muttered something under her breath.

"What was that, Nudge?" I asked.

"Nothing!" she scrambled. "So, um, who would you save first?"

I hated how we kept coming back to square one. I tried to distract them.

"Wait, I'm confused about something."

Nudge gave me a dark glare. "What?" she asked through her teeth.

"You guys are drowning in the ocean, right?"

"Yeah." Ella said.

"So am I in the water with you, because that wouldn't be good."

"Oh, well," Ella thought. "I guess you'd be on a boat."

Perfect.

"Okay! Then I'd get someone one the boat to help me and we'd save both of you." Success!

"No!" Ella shouted.

Or so I thought.

"Well, what is it this time?" I was getting seriously miffed here. There was no pleasing these two.

"You can't get anyone else to help you."

"Why?!"

"Because you're the only one on the boat!"

Well crap.

"What do you mean, I'm the only one on the boat?"

"I mean, you're on a boat, _alone_."

I thought about this.

"What about the polar bear?"

"What _about_ the polar bear?"

"I mean, I can't be the only one on the boat because the polar bear just ate my arm, right? So the polar bear has to be on the boat too."

Ella fumed silently.

Nudge quickly jumped in. "Yes," she sighed. "You're right, Max. The bear just ate your arm, so the bear is _obviously_ on the boat with you."

I nodded, satisfied. "Okay. So besides the bear, I'm all alone on the boat, right?"

"Yes, Max."

Nudge looked to Ella for help.

"Alright, now that we've got that fig-"

"Okay, hold on, I'm still wondering about-"

"WHAT!!??" Nudge and Ella exploded.

I cringed back.

"Jeez! I was just wondering who was driving the boat."

"NO ONE'S DRIVING THE BOAT!!!"

"What?!!" I looked back and forth between the two of them, panicking. "No one's driving the boat? Isn't that dangerous?!"

"ALRIGHT!!! THEN YOU'RE DRIVING THE BOAT!!!" Ella yelled.

Nudge looked about ready to kill me.

I shrugged. "Okay."

I waited for a moment while the two of them blew off some steam.

Ella was the first to reply.

"Are you done, Max?"

I nodded innocently.

"Good, then shut up for a minute."

I nodded again.

"Alright." Ella was making an effort to get each word out without strangling me. "Nudge and I are _drowning _in the middle of the ocean because neither of us can swim. You are _alone _on-"

I raised my hand.

Ella ignored me.

"-a boat. A _polar _bear just ate your _right _arm. Who would y-"

I waved my arm around a little to make sure she saw it.

Nudge growled under her breath.

Ella stopped talking and closed her eyes.

"Yes, Max."

I coughed. "I, um, have a ques-"

"Yes. Max."

"Well, um, I was just wondering," I coughed again, "if I'm driving the boat and a bear just ate my arm, how am I supposed to save you?"

.....

Ella and Nudge just stared at me for a few seconds.

Ella's eye twitched.

Nudge clenched her fist, then unclenched it. She took a few deep breaths, then spoke.

"You're right Max. Again. There's just no escaping your logic. So why don't we make it like this. Ella and I are drowning in an ocean because we can't swim, and you are on a boat alone with a polar bear who just ate your arm - I'm sorry - your right arm. You are driving said boat. But do you know what the catch is Max? Do you?" Nudge's voice turned slightly hysterical here. "You have _three_ arms, Max. _Three_. Did you hear that? So you still have exactly _one _arm left over to save _one_ of us. Just _one_. But, wait! Before you get confused about something, because I know you will, you-"

Okay. I will admit, by now I'd gotten bored with this whole thing. My gaze slowly drifted away from Nudge and Ella and toward the aforementioned tacos. My mouth watered as I thought about biting into the crunchy goodness, and I slowly tried to edge around the two girls, hoping to fill the black hole that was my stomach. They, obviously, noticed.

"MAX!" Ella shouted.

I jumped, startled out of my taco-daze. "What?!"

"Are you even listening to us?!"

"Of course I am!" I lied.

Nudge gave me a look. "Oh yeah? What was the last thing I said?"

I opened my mouth, and then closed it, and then repeated. I probably resembled a fish out of water.

Nudge smirked. "That's right Max. Now where was I? Oh, yeah. Back to _who are you gonna save_?"

Alright. Now I was the one about to burst. Quite honestly, I was completely fed up with Nudge and Ella's arguments. It was bad enough before, but now they were making them about me! So I said something that I very truly meant right at that moment.

"NEITHER!"

I think I surprised them by actually answering.

"Wh-what?"

"I WOULDN'T SAVE EITHER OF YOU, OKAY?!?!"

Nudge's mouth dropped open, and Ella stuttered out a few words.

"B-but, don't you l-love us?"

"Jeez! Of course I do, but right now I'm so ticked off, I probably wouldn't save either of you. Now move so I can get a freakin' taco!"

Ella was flabbergasted.

I pushed past her and Nudge and grabbed a taco, which I proceeded to take an angry bite out of. I snatched a soda off the table and, ignoring everyone's stares, went back upstairs much the same way I'd come down - stomping. I walked into my bedroom and flopped onto my bed.

A few minutes later, someone knocked on my door.

"What!?" I spat, still frustrated.

The door cracked open and Mom walked in. She came over and sat down next to me on my bed. She just looked at me for a second before she pushed my hair out of my face.

I looked at her.

"I just want you to know that I understand." She gave me a small smile. I smiled back.

"And..." she drifted off, her smile turning evil.

I frowned.

"I was just wondering, if Fang and I were drowning..."

* * *

**Okay, hope you guys enjoyed it. Here's a little story for you. My mom and I went to an ATM the other day, and I was driving, so when we pulled up to the machine, I was closest to it. So my mom's getting stuff out, and I'm looking at the machine, and what do I see? Braille. On the machine. I was like, 'Yeah, because a blind person's going to drive up to an ATM to get some cash, so of course they've gotta make it accessible for them.' :) Anyway, so I'm gonna be writing a few of the chapter for that challenge this week and the next, but I probably won't have any up here until the week after that, because I've got solo and ensemble to practice for and go to in band. (Flute quartet and a solo! Eep!!! :)) Maybe I should put someone in charge of whacking me if I don't write fast enough...Aha! My sister! She'd love that. :) Alright then, it's settled. I'll write, my sister will whack, and you guys should review. ;) Go on! Review! It's right down there, it won't take but 30 seconds of your life. You can do it. :)**


End file.
